


Red And Darkness

by RiddleMeEvil



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death??? We'll See, Cliffhanger for now, Clones, Cutting, Death, Gen, It Gets Better, Knives, M/M, NO LONGER A CLIFFHANGER, Obi-Wan Needs a Hug, Obi-Wan's in a Dark place, Poor Cody deals with so much, Self Harm, Some bonding, Suicidal Thoughts, and maybe therapy, as long as they're together everything is okay, but so does Anakin, i get really emotional at midnight, i think this constitutes as PTSD, major angst, maybe a oneshot maybe a moreshot, memories of Jabiim, obikin, still so much angst, why do I hurt these boys like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 02:06:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10687542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiddleMeEvil/pseuds/RiddleMeEvil
Summary: The first and only time he slices is the first mission after Jabiim.Just this once.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't mean for this to happen.. Be careful-there are major descriptions of self harm in this one. I'm not sure if there will be any more to this, so tell me what you'd like!! -Lyra

The first and only time he slices is the first mission after Jabiim.

The planet is pouring rain, dampness seeping into every corner of their camp, and dark memories seeping into his mind. He's lost good men today-great men, too many to count, though he tries anyway. He remembers their names and accomplishments the best he can, going over the list at least three times before Cody orders him to his tent.

He's moving on autopilot, now, closing the flap and mechanically pulling off his robes and armor, ready to tumble to his cot for another night of restless sleep. He turns to set his belt on the crate that serves as his bedside table, and the glint of his pocketknife catches his eye.

He studies it for a moment, reaching out to twirl it between long fingers. He snaps the blade open, the _click_  barely heard over the steady drumbeat of the rain. It flashes almost cheekily at him in the dim light of his lamp, and he remembers the stories he's heard of beings who've used the blade as a type of relief in many different and difficult situations.

He huffs quietly, turning to place it back on the crate-but something stills his hand.

The Force darkens almost imperceptibly-he doesn't notice, too caught up with the strangely alluring blade as he is. Surely this constitutes as a difficult situation?

He looks at it, turning it carefully in his hand.

It'd only be once, he tells himself, just to see if the rumors are true-if it truly relieves the stress. He wouldn't _ever_  let himself go completely over the edge. He couldn't-he had a duty to the Jedi, the Republic.. the clones, and-Anakin.

_Oh, Anakin._

He'd almost died today, protecting Obi-Wan from the Separatist droids when the sight and smell and sound of the battle had overwhelmed him, throwing him into a panic attack. Obi-Wan wouldn't have been able to bear it if the young man had died because of his weakness.

Absently, he traces the veins on the underside of his wrist with the tip of the blade. He won't go far, he promises himself.

_Just this once._

The Force hums dangerously around him, an unsettled feeling lodging in his gut. He shakes his head and positions the blade, slicing shallowly across his wrist before he can lose his nerve. He grits his teeth, the burning pain followed immediately by a swell of deep red blood, dripping off his arm to the floor. He siphons the pain into the roiling Force, frowning at the lack of response in his own emotions.

He notices a wetness on his cheeks-he's crying, so silently he himself didn't even notice.

What was this endless battle accomplishing besides more and more death? Sooner or later, he would fall-or Anakin would, because Obi-Wan was bound to miss a blaster bolt one of these days. He'd be the cause of his Anakin's death-if not from missing a bolt, then from a panic attack like the one he'd had earlier. He'd lose the only light left in his life, and it would be all his fault.

The Force is so Dark now, filled with his darkening thoughts and the death of his men and it's so much he can't breathe so the blade comes down again, another ruby strip slicing across the pale skin of his wrist. His shields are cracking, he can feel it, but he can't bring himself to care-everything is just too much, and this was supposed to _help_ , not make everything so much worse that it chokes the very life out of the Force..

He slices again, deeper this time, the Force swirling with Dark purpose around him and tears falling so thick and fast that he can hardly see in the dim light of the tent, and suddenly the flap is pulled back and Anakin is there with him, and Obi-Wan's so surprised, so shocked by his appearance that he slices far, far deeper than he ever meant to.

He swears, dropping his knife and clutching his wrist, futilely trying to close the gaping wound that is now pouring his life out of his body at an alarming rate.

Anakin is in front of him, now, terror in his eyes and in his voice, and the Force is swirling faster, the Light screaming at the wrongness of the situation and the Dark whispering to him to  _just let go-_

And there's a roaring in his ears, and Anakin's panicked voice is getting so far away, and everything is going finally, blessedly numb, and suddenly he _understands_..

But it's too late now, and he doesn't have any strength anymore, and his connection to the Force is failing and his vision is darkening and all he can do is lock his dimming eyes with Anakin's and sigh out the words that will mean everything and nothing to his beloved Anakin-

" _Sorry.. I l-love_..."

And everything goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to add to it-I couldn't leave you (or myself) hanging like that! I don't know how realistic this is, but I had to pull away from the angst. I couldn't stand it ;) Here's the next bit-there's definite Obikin in this. Enjoy!-Lyra

A steady beeping is the only sound in the room besides his breathing, and he sits in the chair beside the bed, the occupant's limp hand held tightly between his own, pressed to his cheek. He hasn't moved since that horrible, horrible moment he carried his best friend's limp body into the medbay, blood pouring from the gaping wound on his wrist and staining both of their tunics.

He is still in shock, horror settling over his mind, and he wishes it was just a dream, a nightmare from the darkest corners of his mind but it _isn't_ , and he's reminded of that fact every time his eyes trace the figure on the bed. Obi-Wan looks so small, so pale and fragile, practically swallowed by the mass of pillows and blankets around him.

Cody stopped by an hour ago, dark shadows in his eyes as he gazed at his General's limp, motionless body, and the commander had stood completely still, frozen, before abruptly turning and stalking from the room. Anakin could still feel his lingering feelings-hurt, terror, and an endless whisper of _why-why?_  that was echoed within his own thoughts. His mind repeatedly goes over the scene he'd walked in on hours earlier, questioning, always questioning, but his question was never answered-for the only person who could answer was unconscious on the bed.

Anakin had felt a stirring in the Force, centered around his Master's tent, and the Darkness and foreboding had pushed him to run to the other Jedi's side. He'd thrown open the tent flap, and _Force_..

_Obi-Wan held a bloody knife to his own wrist, and as he began to press down he glimpsed Anakin and he jerked, the blade slicing into his wrist so far and deep and blood was pouring from the wound and Anakin is paralyzed, horrified, watching helplessly as his beloved Master bleeds out before him, and the Force is screaming-but that could be him too, he can't tell, all he knows is that he's trying to stop the blood but there's so much and Obi-Wan looks at him and the look in his eyes is one Anakin will never, ever forget, the words he barely gets out forever echoing in the Knight's ears, and then his Obi-Wan is falling, collapsing into his arms, and oh, Force, he's lost him, nononono-_

Anakin is shaken into the present by a low moan, and his head snaps up, eyes zeroing in on the figure in the bed. Obi-Wan's head turns, a furrow appearing in between his brows, and slowly the sea green eyes crack open. Anakin almost weeps at the sight, so terrified that he could've never seen those brilliant eyes again, and he's kneeling beside the bed.

His Master coughs, opening his mouth to speak, but Anakin shushes him, opening their mental Bond fully to make conversation easier for the invalid. Obi-Wan's tone is soft, timid, a note of hesitation in the lilting voice.

"Anakin?"

The Knight squeezes his hand tightly, smiling so widely his cheeks cramp. "Yes, oh, _Force, Obi-Wan... Why?_ " The last word is sharp, a painful accusation directed at the man lying limply on the bed, and Obi-Wan glances away, but his eyes are drawn back to Anakin's haunted blue ones almost instantly.

"It.. it was an accident.." He says softly. "I thought it would help, but it _didn't_ , and then you were _there_ and- I was so _scared_ , Anakin..!"

Anakin sobs then, a dry, harsh sound in the stillness of the room. "You foolish, foolish man.." Tears stream down his cheeks. "You almost died-you tell me you love me for the first time in our lives and then you almost _die_  in my arms.."

Obi-Wan is suddenly ashamed, and he looks down, a tiny sigh escaping parted lips. "I _had_  to.. There was no time, I thought I wouldn't get another chance.."

" _I thought the same thing!_ " Anakin's mental voice practically howls, a jagged, torn edge to it, and Obi-Wan flinches. "I thought you were _gone_  and I'd never ever be able to tell you _I love you back_."

Shocked green eyes lift to meet tearful azure, and Anakin shakily nods. "I do, Obi-Wan, and you almost took that from me-why would you try?"

The Master blinks, his voice a bottomless pit of sorrow and darkness. "I was so angry-for losing so many, and for almost losing you, and I thought it might help-just once, only once, but it didn't and I was so surprised when you came in that I slipped-Oh, _Anakin_ , I'm sorry-" And he cries then, tears streaking down his cheeks, and Anakin presses their foreheads together, still holding tightly to his hand.

"My precious, wonderful, overemotional Master," He says, a hysterical laugh escaping his lips. "Promise me you'll never, _ever_ do that again." Obi-Wan nods as best he can, fingers trembling in Anakin's grip, tears dripping down his face. "I promise-I promise, Anakin.."

And Anakin doesn't answer him, only presses his lips to Obi-Wan's and kisses him, kisses him so deeply and passionately Obi-Wan is sure he'll feel Anakin's lips against his own for hours afterwards.

The kiss tastes of tears and regret and relief, all wrapped into one, the Force filled with hundreds of emotions flickering through their hearts too fast for them to comprehend each, and they cling to each other as if they are drowning-which perhaps they are, but they're _together_  now, so that's okay.

Anakin pulls just barely away to catch his breath and Obi-Wan's chest heaves, Anakin placing a large, warm hand over his heart, visibly relaxing when he feels its steady beat beneath his palm. Their Bond pulses, bright with resolved emotions, and Anakin shoves the shadows of his questions and Obi-Wan's regrets away from them both, wrapping them in a safe cocoon of warm Light.

Obi-Wan relaxes, exhaustion from the emotional overload and the blood loss taking over his body, and Anakin smiles, sending him gently into a dreamless sleep. Obi-Wan is alive, and alright for the moment, and so Anakin rests too, not once letting go of his hand.

They'll still have so much to talk about, arguments to have over this and other things they'll both do, but they have each other now and it will be okay. Anakin always helps Obi-Wan, teaches him how to deal with his emotions, and they grow closer than ever, their Bond strengthening so that nothing can break it. Obi-Wan learns to love and still master himself, and Anakin is always, always there-loving him, accepting him, every part of him.. And they both find peace within each other.

Obi-Wan never touches that knife again.


End file.
